on the upside this has given me interesting ideas for my thesis/senior studio project, so
on the upside this has given me interesting ideas for my thesis/senior studio project, so
and oh my god i’m not even friends with him but this ONE DUDE. was in a flirty thing with a friend on okcupid last summer and they noticed he was friends with him on fb and was like, hey, you should know, this dude is bad and he was like omg! yeah! bad! what a jerk i never liked him! and by the by it turns out the dude had like a kid and stuff but ANYWAY he’s still fb buddies with him hahahahha
still have 50+ mutual friends with him on facebook, just inventoried! wow i know it is irrational for that to feel like such intense betrayal but two of them were There and i know one or two of the others know but like idk i think he’s more fun. i am no fun, i’m a bad friend, i never post interesting content or want to hang out. it is unfair of me to feel betrayed that people heart both our statuses. i am so much less fucked up about this than i used to be but i am still really fucked up about it sometimes, and now is one of those times. why do you have to be friends with him.
pt. 1 don’t show your dumb face here ever again
pt. 2 give me all your money
this is really cancer (zodiac!!!!) feelings and really trauma/protracted traumatized dissociation and really unrooted childhood and i’m into it but also kind of scared by it
assemble the relics about you
What happens to your past if you don’t allow yourself to feel it when it happened? If you don’t have your experiences in the moment, if you gloss them over with jokes or zoom past them, you end up with curiously dispassionate memories. Procedural and depopulated. It’s as if a neutron bomb went off and all you’re left with are hospital corridors, where you’re scanning the walls for familiar photographs.
Sometimes in the absence of emotion, your only recourse is to surround yourself with objects; assemble the relics about you. Wagner was wrong when he said, “Joy is not in things, it is in us.” One can find joy in things, but it is a particular kind of joy - the joy of corroboration… For the moment, this physical evidence will have to serve as proof that all that has happened was real, because even now I only half believe what I am telling you.”
— David Rakoff, Fraud (via missvoltairine)
Hey y’all. As you may know, about two years ago I was hit by a pickup truck while riding my bicycle. I broke both my legs and shattered a knee and got a concussion (tw: gross pictures here). The driver was charged with a DUI.
I had no health insurance at that time and my total medical bills exceeded $100,000.
Luckily, my attorney did some serious negotiation with the hospital and they settled the majority of my account for a much smaller amount, which was paid by the other driver’s insurance company. I also had access to $15,000 through the Georgia Crime Victims Compensation Fund; this money was sent directly to most of the (relatively) smaller bills that were not included in the main hospital bill, such as the ambulance ride, x-rays, individual physicians, etc.
Right now, I only have one bill remaining: $12,250 owed to the orthopedic clinic. This is for checkups during the beginning of my recovery, physical therapy sessions, outpatient x-rays, and the metal hardware in my legs (see x-rays here).
I have been making out-of-pocket payments towards this bill for over a year and a half ($30-$100/month depending on what I can afford) and so far the clinic has been nice enough to not send the account to collections even though the total balance is technically long overdue. But even if I can pay $100/month (the most I can reasonably afford considering my current income and living expenses), it would still take 10 years to pay this off. So far I’ve paid a total of $516 since August 2013. I have a full-time job. I only have a few hundred dollars in (emergency) savings. I have a number of other debts I’m trying to manage as well. I have lousy credit and I am not qualified to take out a loan for this much money, either.
Some people have told me that the other driver who hit me should be responsible for paying this bill, and I have suggested that to the District Attorney who is handling this case. But even if that person is legally required to pay my bill, that doesn’t mean I’m going to receive the full amount all at once… or anytime soon… not to mention it does little good for me if the person who is court-ordered to pay my bill can’t afford it as much as I can’t afford it!… and either way, the bill remains in my name (and attached to my credit score).
Also, I recently tried to make an appointment at the Orthopedic Clinic to see about getting some of the metal hardware removed from my knee, since that may reduce the pain I have. Even though I have health insurance now, they told me I couldn’t make any new appointments until I take care of my outstanding balance.
I feel really embarrassed and self-conscious about making a fundraiser because I feel like as an Adult with a Job, I should be able to HANDLE IT, ya know… and I am afraid of this sounding like a ~sob story~ but for real: I am 30 and I have been in some kind of overwhelming debt or another for literally my entire adult life. In the past year I have finally been able to pay off all the bad debts I had and start rebuilding my credit very slowly. My debt-to-income ratio is still scary but at least I don’t owe anything to a collection agency right now, for the first time in like a decade! So I would be totally overjoyed if I can get this one last medical bill paid off before it gets sent to collections and messes up my financial life all over again.
So please, if you can contribute to this fundraiser, any amount helps! Or if you would prefer to receive a physical item in return for your money, please consider supporting me by purchasing a photography print through my Society6 page, or buying a zine, patch, or monotype from my Etsy page. I can also accept PayPal donations to cicada_drone at yahoo dot com.
~*~ T H A N K * Y O U ~*~
Feel free to ask me any questions you may have, and please share/reblog/signal boost this post!
PS Re: Financial accountability, I will be keeping copious documentation of all money received as a result of this fundraiser. (I am in accounting school! I am very organized & I love to make spreadsheets! I save receipts! :). I will post follow-ups with scans of my monthly statements from the orthopedic clinic bill to show exactly what got paid.
don’t eat -> hate self -> can’t eat it’s a very simple vicious circle but it is very very unfun to be inside
i barely ate today and i felt like dropping out of school and killing myself the whole time, which was fun
My name is Samantha. I’m a 21 year old transgender woman in need of a place temporarily. I’m currently in Arizona, and planned to move to the bay area for a job. I put in my two weeks notice at my current job after getting a formal offer and was just recently informed that my offer is no longer available because my presented gender doesn’t match the one I was assigned at birth. My housing here is connected to my job and having given notice I have until October 2nd to find another place. I’m out of options, and still have my ticket to San Francisco so I would be SO grateful if you could put me up even for a couple of days. I was originally planning to stay with a friend in Union City, but I have not been able to reach him. I have a few promising auditions in the area for paid shows and will definitely go job hunting as soon as I can land a place to house my things. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask them. Even if you could store a piece of my luggage I would be grateful.
Not opposed to somewhere close, anywhere is better than nowhere at this point. And the more time you can offer me a couch, the better.
one of the staff at the philz down the street who is usually cashiering always asks me if i want a donut and i understand that she is being nice! i understand that i usually get a donut and she is simply trying to be personable and helpful. however public eating stresses me out enough and PUBLIC DONUT EATING is a whole other beast that gets exponentially harder when i know someone else knows that i eat donut on the regular and i haven’t gotten a donut in like 2 months because of it :-(
6:26 pm • 29 September 2014 • 3 notes
//#i just wanna eat a donut w/o knowing that you know i want a donut #this is crazy but it is how i feel #please let me eat donut without talking to me about it #ed tw
"eating disorders are politically deranged and yours will be gone when you reach Anti-Consumerist Enlightenment, now let me tell you about how your disease is a product of capitalism and you are consuming to fill a void, and you should really be burning things, which will fix you"
i’m really embarrassed by myself for having liked TMLE very much at all (although i mean i think the ben weasel lp is a work of art of SOME variety and there’s some songs that are OK i guess) but mostly for having listened to “hate your body in 12 easy steps” and having ever thought it was anything but a total fucking travesty, even, like, thought i maybe resonated with it? the explanation for that is mostly that i was sick and young and very invested in agreeing with everything that popular progressive punks had to say about my experiences of rape and eating disorders, among other things, and not having a self-determined narrative because i wasn’t a person. it was a complicated time. mostly fuck that song though.